Boy Erased (Review): We Live in an Illogical World

Disclaimer: I am not writing with the intention of offending or disrespecting any religious groups. There are good and bad people everywhere, whether they belong to a religious group or not. 

--

I did not hear about the movie "Boy Erased" until my husband told me about it and bought us tickets. As usual, like anything that's about homosexuality, the film is rated R21 in Singapore. We went down to The Projector to watch it the day before yesterday (4 August). I didn't know what to expect since I didn't even watch the trailer, but it was so good! It opened my eyes to what conversion therapy was especially in the USA, and how horrifying it can be. We actually felt like watching the film was similar to being emotionally tortured, and I think that's the whole point. The film really made me feel for the main character, Jared. And yes, I know that it's based on a true story and on Garrard Conley's memoir, but I'm not really going to talk about that because I've not read it. I'm just going to blog about the movie and how I felt about it.

Spoilers ahead (duh).

Injustice

Throughout most of the movie, I felt frustrated and indignant because bad stuff kept happening to Jared, and none of it is his fault. The movie cuts between Jared going through conversion therapy (present), and how he actually got there (past). He had a girlfriend whom he was not sexually interested in, broke up with her, and went to college. There, he was actually raped in his own dorm room by Henry: someone whom he thought was a friend. Right after raping Jared, Henry breaks down and says that he did the same thing to a guy at his church as well. Like, what????

I was absolutely horrified by this and they didn't show the rapist getting into trouble for his actions! To make matters worse, Henry actually called his parents and pretended to be a school counsellor to ensure Jared's silence. Jared avoided him and Henry was afraid that Jared might tell on him or whatever, so he told on Jared instead. So not only was he raped, he was also betrayed. My blood was already boiling by this point.

After the movie I realised that there could be some people out there who have had to repress their sexual urges and then suddenly decided to just... rape someone and by doing so, commit a horrendous crime. I'm no expert and I'm not justifying the act of rape at all. But I'm just saying that it isn't unheard of. Pastors and priests have been charged for having sex with minors. And that's just disgusting because they are being hypocrites.

It's also probably very easy for someone to say, "Why don't they just embrace their homosexuality?" But that's also the whole point of the movie. It's hard to do that when society tells you not to. They think that it's unnatural and that it's a sin, when it's neither of those things.

Also, Jared and the other teens at the conversion centre were wronged since they were treated extremely poorly. But more on that later.

Different experiences

Jared, as well as other teens at the Love In Action gay conversion therapy centre (ironic name), struggle with who they truly are and society's expectations. For Jared, his family is against homosexuality. Due to Henry's despicable betrayal, Jared's parents chose to send him there. His father is a preacher and he invited two other men over to their house, and that was the recommended course of action to take I suppose. But his story ends well. He got out thanks to his supportive mum, and wrote an article about his experience. 

But what about the others? There's this strange guy called Jon, who tells Jared that he's there for the second time and he doesn't even touch men because he knows that he's being watched. He doesn't even want to shake hands with others and gives them salutes. It seems to me that he has gone a little mad. He needs support and mental health treatment, not this bullcrap. 

The only girl in the group had to confess that she touched girls "inappropriately" (I don't consider it inappropriate because it was consensual). She kept to herself and near the end of the film, it looked like she was going to be trapped at the conversion centre forever because she was being led away by the staff presumably to one of those long-stay houses. 

Then there's Gary (played by Troye Siven, whom I recognise as a YouTuber) who's figured it all out and has decided to 'fake it till he makes it' because he understands that if he convinces them to let him go, he'll be able to return to his normal life again.

Sadly, there's also Cameron, who ultimately chose to give up and commit suicide.

Masculinity

When the film started, we saw homemade videos of a little boy. As he grew up, he was saying that he liked playing basketball and that his favourite colour was blue and yellow. Typical things kid would say, you know? At first, I didn't see the point of this. But after the movie, I realised that they were portraying Jared to be a typical kid. Nothing in his childhood indicated that he was going to be a homosexual or even effeminate. (Not like that's how a person is gay. Come on)

The phrase 'fake it till you make it' was actually from this instructor (played by Flea) who tried to make the guys more 'masculine'. The scene was ridiculous, as you would expect. He told them that there was supposedly a 'masculine' posture to adopt and even got the only girl there to line them up from least to most masculine. (Did 'Cut' videos on YouTube get this idea from such dubious places? I hope not)

Again, masculinity is not an indicator of heterosexuality. The instructors at the centre don't see that. They have all kinds of dumb ideas about the world. They get the teens to try batting practice. Jared can swing a bat well. Does that mean he's not gay? No! There's no link at all! When a scrawny boy is unable to swing a bat and hit a baseball, they make him do it again and again... until a ball hits him on the head and the other teens quickly help him up. Later, his parents come over, scold the instructors for almost giving their son a concussion, and pull him out. At least they had enough sense to do so. 

Being masculine does not mean that you go around calling homosexuals "faggots" as well. I was appalled when one of the "therapists" did that to Jared.

Dubious, unethical practices

After that baseball incident, the instructors actually scolded the teens and reminded them that they were not supposed to tell their parents about what goes on at the centre.

This is dubious enough in itself. Actually, when Jared first enters the conversion centre, all his belongings are taken away from him. His mother is told that she won't be able to call him (even if there's an emergency, which is dumb) and she'd have to call the receptionist. Jared only gets his stuff back at 5pm, and his mother comes to pick him up at that time too. When she asks questions about the programme, he's unable to tell her the specifics, because Jared is portrayed as an obedient, impressionable boy. He's so nice that he's does all the things that he's told to do, even though it's bullshit. Another reason why the movie is so frustrating.

Other shitty things that the centre does is equate homosexuality to sin, AIDS, promiscuity, etc. Homosexuals are called sufferers of SSA, or same sex attraction. I was recently introduced to this term when I read an article about an organisation in Singapore that practises conversion therapy, calling homosexuals by that term as well. That is extremely insulting, because they're making homosexuality sound like an illness.

There's even a long list of sins, and mental illness made the list. The list was used for this exercise where the teens had to write out their family trees and indicate the sins that their family members had. That's also another sign that the centre is just an insidious institution that's trying to get more 'sinful' clients.

The worst part of the movie was when one of the participants was given a fake funeral. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was utterly pointless and soul-crushing. The previous day, a participant named Cameron found it difficult to confess his 'sins'. (Jared touched his arm to comfort him but Jon was all like, 'Omg, you shouldn't have done that') And apparently, the solution to that is to give him a fake funeral, get his family down, and beat him with a Bible to get rid of the devil inside him. And also put him inside a bathtub to... I don't know, drown the devil? I was so horrified. I couldn't (and still can't) believe that this is an actual thing. It's utter stupidity! It's fucking illogical! Jared found it difficult to watch and so did I. Ughhh.

Later, Cameron commits suicide. I was shocked even though it should've been expected. I mean, his family agreed to this ridiculous conversion therapy nonsense, attended his fake funeral, and willingly beat him with a Bible. They didn't accept him for who he really was. They weren't supportive. Is it any surprise to find out that he was depressed and committed suicide? As a teenager, you'd only have your family and your friends at school. And I guess, religion. These teens are cut off from schoolmates and forced to attend a garbage programme because of their parents and whatever religious institution that they belong to, I suppose. Then, they go home to their families who are probably wondering if their kid has magically stopped being a homosexual, not realising that they are wasting their money on frauds. How miserable is that?

Another horrible thing that happened in the movie was when Jared had to confess his 'sins'. He told the truth that he spent the night at an art student's place but they just lay in bed without actually engaging in intercourse. This makes complete sense because Jared's a victim of rape and he'd probably not wish to have sex again so soon, or at least he wouldn't have sex until he's pretty sure that Xavier was serious about him. Right? (Not all gays are promiscuous. Duh. Not all religious people are good and saint-like either, unfortunately)

Yet the "chief therapist", Victor Sykes, claims that he's lying! Jared, like the good boy he is, insists that he's telling the truth. Sykes isn't convinced and tells him to imagine that his father is sitting in front of him. Somehow, he wants Jared to let out his anger and say that he hates his father. Like I said, this conversion nonsense makes no sense. Jared refuses because again, it's not true that he hates his father. Lying is an actual sin. Jared flared up at the "therapist", storms out, and grabs his belongings (that always has to be placed in a box in a cupboard when they enter). All of the "therapists" try to stop him of course, so he hides in a cubicle to call his mother (played by the goregous Nicole Kidman). He's crying and urgently asking her to pick him up.

Jared says he doesn't want anyone to touch him, the "therapists" seem to agree to this, but the filmmakers cut to the next scene where they still touch him by putting their hands on him and praying for him. Wow. I like the way that the scenes have been cut to show how ridiculous these people are.

Even when his mum arrives, the "therapists" keep the door shut and still try to convince her that it's ok to let her son stay with them. Thankfully, Cameron stands up for Jared and helps him by pushing one of them away. Thank goodness, I was so glad. (Unfortunately, like I mentioned earlier, Cameron later ends up killing himself. He probably had a really hard time from the "therapists" after helping Jared. And like I said, his family must have been fucked up because they allowed for the fake funeral to happen in the first place)

At that point in the story, Jared's mother has finally come to her senses. After realising that this dubious organisation wants to know about their family's sins (busybodies much?), makes stupid spelling errors in their programme booklet (lol spelling God as 'dog', how dumb), and probably wants to keep teens there for long periods of time to earn money (there's no end in sight), she's had it. She yells at Victor Sykes and asks for his qualifications. (Yesss!) Then she sadly says something like, "Shame on you, and shame on me as well." It's heartbreaking to hear, but I felt like the audience probably heaved a collective sigh. Finally! Jared escapes from that literal hellhole! Throughout that entire scene, I was crying due to a mixture of relief (tears of joy perhaps) and all that pent-up frustration. The film left a sour taste of indignation in my throat, which meant that it really achieved its purpose.

Also, participants had to be accompanied to the toilet. Why though? Are they afraid that participants would look at other people's private parts, become aroused, and commit sin? Because that doesn't make sense at all. It's not like homosexuals have no sense of control and just want to engage in sexual activities all the time. And isn't it just strange to be accompanied to the loo like you're a kid? Are the instructors even doing this for the sake of safety? Are they so afraid that people would run away and so participants are treated as prisoners? Perhaps the instructors themselves are the actual perverts who would like to take a peek.

Family support

Jared's mum revealed that she had a gut feeling that conversion therapy was a bad idea, but she fell in line with her husband and the other men whom he had invited over that night. She said that Jared's Dad wanted him to continue with the programme, but reassured Jared that her husband could fall in line with her for a change. I was so pleased to hear this! It's already tough enough to come out of the closet. Parents should be supportive and accept their kids, not try so hard to change them into something they're not.

It's completely ironic for his father to want him to continue with the programme even after the "therapist" explicitly told Jared to admit that he hated his father when he didn't. You'd think that his father would be outraged to hear about this. It's not clear whether his father really knows what went on behind those closed doors, but surely he must have asked, right? Or is he such a horrible parent that he remains unconcerned about the well-being of his child? Is it even right to tell your child that you can't accept homosexuality under your roof, then ask your child if he's willing to change when he'll definitely say 'yes' because he knows that's the 'right' answer to you, even if he can't actually change?

There's a rift in their marriage after that since his parents now have different ideas about how they should handle this situation. But it's great that his mum has chosen to listen to her son and listen to reason. She has chosen to love her son unconditionally even at the expense of her marriage, unlike her husband, who selfishly cares only about his career as a preacher and his image at church.

Later, it seems like there's hope for Jared and his father to reconcile. His father refused to read the article that he wrote four years down the road, but at the end of the movie, Jared confronts him before flying off to New York. Jared says that he can't change who he is. He'll always be gay and he'll always be his son. So his dad needs to change. And his Dad says he'll try. (Hallelujah!) 

The other kids who totally lack any form of support from their families aren't so lucky. The film was set in the early 2000s I think, so the mobile phones they were using weren't smartphones. Hopefully, the situation has changed since then, and homosexual teens can get support elsewhere (online support groups, social media) if their own families reject them.

Science vs. religion

Well, maybe I'm just too naive, because apparently, it seems like some people would just blindly send their kids to such conversion centres without researching about them, finding out what the kids actually do there, and realising how dubious and unscientific the entire thing is. From the movie, I feel like they'd have a zero percent success rate, since none of the teens there actually became heterosexual.

And even the real Victor Sykes admits this. At the end of the movie, it is revealed that Victor Sykes later got married to a man. (This made the audience laugh) Yes, the horrible "therapist" was actually gay himself. How ironic! He was probably trying to hide his own homosexuality and ended up overcompensating. Out of curiosity, I went to do a quick Google search. The real Victor Sykes (that's not his real name) was involved in conversion therapy for more than a decade. Or was it two? Anyway, he got a divorce from his wife, married a man who became his husband, and apologised for the harm he had caused. He even stated that he "never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual." Just... wow. It took him more than decades to figure out that this is all pseudoscience. I wonder: how could he actually sleep at night while working as a conversion therapist? He also wasted so much time doing something extremely pointless while earning negative karma points at the same time.

And as what Jared's mum mentioned, these "therapists" weren't even real psychiatrists or psychologists with medical qualifications!

Before being sent off for conversion therapy, Jared's Dad sends him to the doctor to have his testosterone levels checked. The doctor, a woman of science, tells Jared that she already knows the results: he's a healthy teenage boy, duh. She tells him that even though it doesn't seem like it right now, he does have a choice. Phew, finally. Someone who actually makes sense! 

She says she believes in both God and science. Personally, I'd find it hard to reconcile science and religion, so I'm glad that I'm a freethinker and I don't have such problems.

The power of the written word

In the film, the people in charge at the conversion therapy centre looked through Jared's belongings and tore out pages from his diaries. Then, they proceed to question him about the content of his writing. Jared insists that it's just a story, but he was still asked questions such as "Did you think about two men when you were writing this love story?" 

Jeez, like that matters! The whole point about writing stories is to imagine what the world would be like from a fictional character's point of view. He could be homosexual but he could write about a heterosexual couple. What's wrong with that? If I write a story about a cat, does that mean I magically turn into a cat? What rubbish! He should've told them off and tell them to put themselves in the shoes of others once in a while to be a little more empathetic. 

The "therapists" at the centre clearly see literature as something powerful because Jared was even told to drop out of college and not read literary works. This reminds me about the children's book about gay penguins titled, "And Tango Makes Three". It became a controversy in Singapore (sigh) because traditional, religious people claimed that kids would be influenced by the book.

Again, how illogical. I have never met a homosexual who told me, "Come and be gay too! It'll be fun!" or something. But I have been stopped on the streets a thousand times and people have said, "Come to my church!" or "Do you know about Jesus Christ, our saviour?" Most recently, someone said, "Have you heard about God Mother?" to me even though I refused to make eye contact, shook my head and rolled my eyes to show that I wasn't interested.

(Side note: People have the freedom to tell others about God on the streets. Sure. I understand that. But that doesn't stop me from feeling irritated about it since I'm a freethinker who does not wish to convert, and also since I'm an introvert who doesn't wish to talk to strangers. Please also understand that people can actually report you for harassment if you cross the line. My student told me that a woman spent 45 minutes on the train talking to her about her church and asking her where she lived to see if her church was near her house or something. That is just plain creepy!)

In addition, in the film, someone (I think it was Jared's father) said that all the answers are in the Bible. This is false and I'm sure even my Christian friends would agree. I have not read or studied the Bible and I'm not trying to disrespect a holy text or anything, but logically, you'd have to treat the Bible as a historical text too. When you study the Bible, you cannot just read it without knowing the historical context in which it was written. Not everything can be taken literally! Not everything in the Bible is applicable to the modern world. (I can't believe I've had to write such commonsensical things in this blog post)

Lastly, I found out that real-life Victor Sykes was called out because of a blog post on MySpace. And as I have mentioned, Garrard Conley's autobiography, "Boy Erased", was adapted for this 2018 film. I'm glad that there are people out there who are exposing these so-called therapists. If you have a story to tell that would impact the lives of others positively, you should share it. Don't look down on the power of the written word and the power of stories.